Almost Perfect
by Cherry-Blossom-Love
Summary: Revision of 'How I Came to Be'. "You can't treat me like this! You can't treat me like Zuko!" The words echoed through her own ears and spurred something within her long forgotten, for they would inevitably bring back the child she'd been denied to be.


**Summary: "You can't treat me like this! You can't treat me like Zuko!"**

Seeing how desperate Azula was to please her father, to not be 'treated like Zuko' begs the question of how she came to be so utterly cold-blooded. What's the secret behind _**her**_ cold-blooded fire?

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Avatar: The Last Airbender or there wouldn't have been so many loose strings left over

**A/N:** This is a revision of an old one-shot. Hopefully my writing has improved, the story is a bit more well rounded, and I've managed to keep the characters IN character this time around.

* * *

It had started years ago, and not a single person had a clue of what occurred behind those grand closed doors. Not her mother, not her uncle, not her mentors Lo or Lee, simply nobody. The little daddy's girl that everyone believed the fire princess to be had never existed. She had to be perfect! Father wouldn't love her otherwise, father would feel the same disdain towards her as he did her failure brother, and Azula simply couldn't allow that to happen. The thought scared her far too much.

"Azula. How was your training today?" he would ask as if genuinely interested, genuinely accepting of whether she did well or not.

"It went great today father. I've almost perfected the lightening technique." She had bounced back and forth on her heels excitedly; surely this would please him!

_**How very wrong she was…**_

She'd been healed quickly –the royal family was resourceful enough to keep a water bender with healing abilities in the palace- and kept the event to herself; she'd been swift to threaten the elder healer if the woman dared speak of the instance to even the turtle-ducks that swam in the pond outside.

_Almost perfect…_

_Almost isn't…_

_Am I good enough?_

_Isn't good enough!_

* * *

She stood now before her father, ready to demonstrate what she had learned over the past week. She bowed and –though Azula could feel her heart thudding madly in her chest- began to move through the stances that had long been drilled into her.

A sharp command rippled through the air and she faltered, which instantly caused her heart to stop before the organ hesitantly decided to work once more.

"Leave us."

His voice was calm, almost neutral, and that alone terrified Azula far more than if her father had begun to scream at her like those birds that lived in the swamps she'd read about in her studies. They were alone now, and silence had never seemed so loud to the princess.

"F-father I-"

"Silence."

She instantly complied, her back straightening as she felt to attention in the way her father's armies would.

"You disappoint me Azula. I was under the impression you were making an effort in your training."

The fire prince turned an ironically freezing gaze towards his petite little daughter. Her trembling did not impress him and she knew it; and yet she could not control it.

"I-I'm sorry father! Please my lord I beg you, forgive me! I am your loyal daughter!" He took a step closer and she dare not retreat from him. "Father please...no!"

_Almost perfect…_

_Almost isn't…_

_Am I good enough?_

_Isn't good enough!_

* * *

It was three years later that her beloved brother had stepped up to demonstrate his skills for their grandfather; he'd wanted to prove himself after father had demanded her to demonstrate herself. She was a prodigy, and she hated it. And still as she sat back beside her brother she shot him a smirk, her golden eyes showing a glint once only seen in the eyes of their father.

"You'll never catch up."

She didn't predict what he had done next and she had a time trying to keep her icy façade plastered to her face. Had it been even a year ago she would have flinched at the look of displeasure their father sported.

"I'd like to demonstrate what I've learned."

He moved pathetically, weak flames erupted from his fists before he fell nearly flat on his face. Their mother rushed over to the fallen prince and Azula felt a twinge of jealousy. Ever since their father had taken it upon himself to train her to be a user of the 'cold-blooded fire' her mother had distanced herself from her.

"I failed…"

"No... I loved watching you."

She looked back to the sight before her, a scowl desperately wanting to form on her visage. Mother was whispering comforting words to Zuko and Azula wondered why Ursa couldn't do the same for her. Yet she knew answer already, her mother thought her to be a monster.

Her brother had failed in demonstrating to their grandfather; she knew her taunting had thrown him off, and a slight pang of guilt formed. Just as quickly it had vanished; it was for Zuko's own good that she taunt him into striving to be his best! If he could become a great bender on his own perhaps their father would spare him the pain she'd been tormented with for so long.

Whether she acted as such or not, she adored her big brother; and she found it highly amusing that a girl such as Mai had a crush on that goof. She would never have gotten away with such failure.

_Almost perfect…_

_Almost isn't…_

_Am I good enough?_

_Isn't good enough!_

* * *

Only a short time later she had taken Zuko behind that large curtain and they'd heard the suggestion of their father, and the rage of their grandfather at the suggestion that he betray his first-born. Zuko had run off before they'd been done speaking and her heart lurched at what was said.

Azula raced to her brother's room and instantly feel into the impassive and uncaring demeanor that she'd so been drilled into. She waited for a moment, before Zuko sat up –slightly drowsy she could tell- and gave him her warning; she didn't want to see her brother die, no matter how she acted around him.

"Dad's going to kill you! Really he is…"

Their mother had disappeared that night, a conspiracy between their father and mother hanging heavily in the air. She knew her mother hadn't been killed, banished perhaps, but not killed; she knew that despite how vicious their father was, he could never kill their mother. He had loved her once, and perhaps still held a thread of said emotion for the woman; the fact that she remained in the land of the living was a testament to that.

_Almost perfect…_

_Almost isn't…_

_Am I good enough?_

_Isn't good enough!_

* * *

A good amount of time later –Azula hadn't bothered to keep track of time any longer– her brother made the biggest folly of his life. And she found herself barely able to care; she had been changed that much.

"I am your loyal son. I meant no disrespect- I'm sorry I spoke out of turn!"

"You will learn respect prince Zuko. And suffering will be your teacher."

She watched excitedly as their father scared her once beloved big brother, her hand fisted in delight as Zuko's screams filled the arena. Someone else, someone other than her, could experience this pain; she would no longer be alone in the torture she'd grown and evolved from. She had wormed her way into a –shaky at best– position of 'daddy's little girl' and she was desperate to stay in the fire lord's good graces. She was determined to never, _**never**_ have to experience that agony again.

_Almost perfect…_

_Almost isn't…_

_Am I good enough?_

_Isn't good enough!_

* * *

Three years and about two months later she was called before her father; when she'd received the message her heart had dropped to her stomach. But she'd calmed herself with practiced ease and allowed forced indifference to claim her.

"Iroh is a traitor and your brother Zuko is a failure. I have a task for you."

She had grinned at him, anticipation swelling up within her as she raised her head – if slightly hesitant – to look at the fire lord as he explained his commands.

_Almost perfect…_

_Almost isn't…_

_Am I good enough?_

_Isn't good enough!_

* * *

She'd been at sea for a bit, looking for her brother so she could bring him back, and have the exiled prince locked away; and still she found that a part of her long buried had no desire to do such a thing. She'd received a lead a bit ago, about two stragglers that had wandered into a fire nation town, looking for refuge among other needs; one consisting of an eccentric and rather plump man.

As Azula observed her troops she allowed the killing instinct that had been forced upon her to come forth; for it was widely known that the princess would prefer to be feared rather than respected. She had noticed though, that many had been talking around the furnace again, wondering why they had been sent after members of the royal family. She had put an end to that instantaneously.

"My brother and my uncle have disgraced the Fire Lord and brought shame on all of us. You may have mixed feelings about attacking members of the royal family; I understand. But I assure you, if you hesitate, I will _not _hesitate to bring you down. Dismissed."

The captain rushed up to her and she almost cursed, but then wondered what the idiotic man could possibly have wanted. What she heard instantly displeased her.

"Princess, I'm afraid the tides will not allow us to bring the ship in to port before nightfall."

Oh that simply wouldn't do. She would set this man straight now, and he would forever remember who it was that commanded him.

"I'm sorry, Captain, but I do not know much about the tides. Can you explain something to me?"

"Of course, Your Highness."

"Do the tides command this ship?"

"Uh.. I'm afraid I do not understand."

She looked to him, a condescending expression painting its way across her face. "You said the tides would not _allow_ us to bring the ship in. Do the tides command this ship?"

"No, Princess."

She turned to look out at the ocean, instantly bringing up her impassive demeanor. "And if I were to have you thrown overboard, would the tides think twice about smashing you against the rocky shore?"

She heard his gulp, signifying the fear she instilled and she relished in it.

"No, Princess." He was nervous now; good.

Azula pushed a strand of hair from her face nonchalantly, appearing as if she were attempting to decide what to have for breakfast rather than that of a man's fate.

"Well, then, maybe you should worry less about the tides who've already made up their mind about killing you and worry more about me, who's still mulling it over."

"I'll pull us in."

And that was how things got done when she ran them. That was how she'd been raised to do so. If she had to sustain such anguish those years of her childhood she would take pleasure and comfort alike in the fact that she was just as feared as her father.

It was a good amount of time before they were able to pull into shore and seeing no reason to punish her crew directly the princess decided on an indirect approach to remind them of why they were subservient to her without question.

Lo and Lee sat behind her observing silently as she glided through the movements that had so been drilled into her.

"Almost perfect."

"One hair out of place."

Those words struck a mixture of rage and terror through her very core. Had her father witnessed such a flaw – she would not think on such things. Furious, she glared at the single hair innocently dangling before her golden eyes and wiped it from sight.

"Almost' isn't good enough!"

_Almost perfect…_

_Almost isn't…_

_Am I good enough?_

_Isn't good enough!_


End file.
